When we arrived Thursday we were almost immediately whisked away to the center of the track where we walked around pretty freely, and then we were all treated to a ride in a 5.0 Liter Mustang convertible @ 90 MPH around the track...I laughed, I screamed, I think I peed myself. It was AWESOME!!! Then Thursday night we were taken to the hotel where the executives were staying and we ate wonderful food, drank wonderful wine and beer, and listened to two terrible - but funny - piano players. Did I mention there was good food? Yes...wonderful, rich, fooooooood. And free beer. Friday and Saturday? Pretty much a repeat of Thursday except longer and I worked the booth all day. We got to ride in the back of the Irwin Tools Truck around the track before the start of the race, and I stood on the track after the cars were parked in pit row while all the local famous people wandered around us. I was so close to the cars I could have touched them...incredible.
So remember how I told you that this blog has to be honest to work? I wish I hadn't said that. Because then I wouldn't have to tell you the following: When I packed for this trip, I remembered my running shoes, two outfits for running, and the appropriate socks. I did NOT, however remember to pack enough pants.....or shirts....BUT, I packed enough clothes for running. Plenty, in fact. Pleeeenty of clothes for running, which are still sitting in my suitcase unused.
I did nothing, I mean NOTHING for my running all weekend. I packed all those clothes, made a commitment the night before, and did not follow through . And what is the FIRST thing I did when I got home? I beat myself up for not running. I told myself I'm a failure. I said I can't do this. I admitted that I'm not going to be able to run a marathon. I shouldn't have eaten all that food at the race, or drank all that beer (it wasn't THAT much Pastor Brian, I swear!!!), or stayed out so darned late! I realllllly shouldn't have eaten that hamburger from Hardee's with the fries at 2:30 am on Saturday morning. I really....really...should NOT have done that. But then I don't have willpower or consistency, or nerve, or strength.
And then I got home and checked facebook. Wendy Bartush posted this quote on her wall, "Yoda says, 'Do or don't do, there is no try.'" And I almost fainted...I'm not sure why that struck me so hard tonight, and why it affected me so much, but those few silly little words completely CRUSHED all the negative self talk I had been doing all stinking DAY.
You know why? Because even if some jerk thinks I'm a fatty, the fact is, I AM strong, I AM determined, I AM competent, I DO have willpower, and I WILL RUN A HALF MARATHON! This is no joke people! I am down on myself because I allow myself to be down on myself. I am what I think I am. It's not about "I think", it's about "I know". I know I can do this. I know that I had a great time at a yearly event that doesn't happen every weekend. I know that I won't have those distractions every weekend, and I can still run tomorrow, and the next day and the next and be completely prepared for my half marathon. The only thing stopping me is ME.
Even if I should not have eaten that burger, it was seriously the best danged burger I ever had.....EVER. The fries were crispy and salty and the burger was juicy and hot. And the toothless lady at the drive through we walked up to was so darned nice, and that made the burger taste even better. So I will not feel guilty for that burger because it was just one.....I swear.
And you know what? I had a fantastic time at the race. I loved it! And I have the pictures to prove it! I wouldn't change a thing. I'm going to work harder! Not because I'm punishing myself, but because I CAN and I WILL.
2 comments:
It is easy to fall down. Courage is in getting back up. And you will!!! Glad to hear you are going to tell that negative talker how worng she is!! We believe in you!
You can do it! It does not matter how long it takes to get to where you want to go... the journey is worth taking!
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