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On Friday, August 5th, 2011, I signed a paper saying I would voluntarily run for 13."some odd" miles. What the heck was I thinking?

Monday, August 29, 2011

Positive Self Talk Begins NOW

So this weekend I spent an amazing two and a half days at Bristol Motor Speedway working the booth for Irwin Tools and watching the NASCAR Irwin Tools Night Race.  I think I'm a NASCAR fan!!!  Well, probably not a fan, but I definitely have a whole new interest in the sport.

When we arrived Thursday we were almost immediately whisked away to the center of the track where we walked around pretty freely, and then we were all treated to a ride in a 5.0 Liter Mustang convertible @ 90 MPH around the track...I laughed, I screamed, I think I peed myself. It was AWESOME!!!  Then Thursday night we were taken to the hotel where the executives were staying and we ate wonderful food, drank wonderful wine and beer, and listened to two terrible - but funny - piano players.  Did I mention there was good food? Yes...wonderful, rich, fooooooood. And free beer. Friday and Saturday?  Pretty much a repeat of Thursday except longer and I worked the booth all day.  We got to ride in the back of the Irwin Tools Truck around the track before the start of the race, and I stood on the track after the cars were parked in pit row while all the local famous people wandered around us.  I was so close to the cars I could have touched them...incredible.

So remember how I told you that this blog has to be honest to work?  I wish I hadn't said that.  Because then I wouldn't have to tell you the following:  When I packed for this trip, I remembered my running shoes, two outfits for running, and the appropriate socks.  I did NOT, however remember to pack enough pants.....or shirts....BUT, I packed enough clothes for running.  Plenty, in fact.  Pleeeenty of clothes for running, which are still sitting in my suitcase unused.

I did nothing, I mean NOTHING for my running all weekend. I packed all those clothes, made a commitment the night before, and did not follow through .  And what is the FIRST thing I did when I got home? I beat myself up for not running. I told myself I'm a failure. I said I can't do this.  I admitted that I'm not going to be able to run a marathon.  I shouldn't have eaten all that food at the race, or drank all that beer (it wasn't THAT much Pastor Brian, I swear!!!), or stayed out so darned late! I realllllly shouldn't have eaten that hamburger from Hardee's with the fries at 2:30 am on Saturday morning. I really....really...should NOT have done that. But then I don't have willpower or consistency, or nerve, or strength.

And then I got home and checked facebook.  Wendy Bartush posted this quote on her wall, "Yoda says, 'Do or don't do, there is no try.'"  And I almost fainted...I'm not sure why that struck me so hard tonight, and why it affected me so much, but those few silly little words completely CRUSHED all the negative self talk I had been doing all stinking DAY.

You know why?  Because even if some jerk thinks I'm a fatty, the fact is, I AM strong, I AM determined, I AM competent, I DO have willpower, and I WILL RUN A HALF MARATHON! This is no joke people! I am down on myself because I allow myself to be down on myself. I am what I think I am. It's not about "I think", it's about "I know".  I know I can do this. I know that I had a great time at a yearly event that doesn't happen every weekend. I know that I won't have those distractions every weekend, and I can still run tomorrow, and the next day and the next and be completely prepared for my half marathon. The only thing stopping me is ME.

Even if I should not have eaten that burger, it was seriously the best danged burger I ever had.....EVER.  The fries were crispy and salty and the burger was juicy and hot.  And the toothless lady at the drive through we walked up to was so darned nice, and that made the burger taste even better.  So I will not feel guilty for that burger because it was just one.....I swear.  

And you know what? I had a fantastic time at the race.  I loved it! And I have the pictures to prove it! I wouldn't change a thing. I'm going to work harder! Not because I'm punishing myself, but because I CAN and I WILL.

P.S. NASCAR races make for the most interesting people watching I've ever experienced.  I literally saw a 200 lb woman in a bikini with fake hair, a fake tan, and missing teeth. Jiggety, that was painful, but oh so interesting.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Snot Rockets & Panty Lines

My first group run was Saturday. And miracle of all miracles, I set my alarm for 6am and got up at 6:09am. Can you BELIEVE IT? I can't.

I arrived at The Nook and there were my good buddies Jen and Jen. Thank GOD they are both named the same or I'd forget their names. They are both super nice ladies and are doing a run/walk program.

We stood there waiting for our coach, Jackie, to kick things off with a motivating moment, and I have to say the thought process in my head was a little embarassing. It went a little something like this,

"I'm going for three miles. But what if I can't even do one? These people are going to think I'm nuts. I soooo want to joke right now, but I don't want them to hate me before I even get STARTED! Geeze, none of these ladies have panty lines. How in the HECK do you NOT have panty lines with tight pants? Oh no way...are they NOT wearing underwear? Is that what runners do??? NOT WEAR UNDERWEAR?? I hope they don't notice I didn't shave my legs. Seriously, they have to be wearing underwear...how else do they keep their goods in place and such...ya knowwwww???!!!"

Yeah, it went a little something like that. So then we got started. I'm feeling all proud of myself because I'm feeling spry and agile this morning, so I'm totally pumped about running three miles for my first group run. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA....yeah. Didn't happen. At about .5 miles, my shins decided they weren't ready to wake up so they fought back. I'm ahead of the team at this point and I just know they are thinking, "Wow, look at the new girl, she's totally fast!", so I can't stop. I keep going, I just slow my pace. I'm panicking now because I seriously have to stop and walk, but I just can't do it. Maybe it's mental. Maybe I just need to push through it. Maybe I'm an IDIOT and I shouldn't have signed up in the first darned place....so I stop.

I stop running, I start walking, and I wait for them to catch up to me. "Coach, I have shin splints. I can't run the three, I'm doing two miles with you guys". No problem, everyone is totally encouraging, and I walk/run with the group for two miles....except now I have an interesting pain in my FOOT.....The coach is worried about a condition called planterwachahoochie fashiiitiiisolio....or something like that. It's where the tendon in your foot isn't cooperating with what you want it to do...so it hurts you. Painfully.

So I took the last two days off. I haven't run, and I have another group run tonight. I'm going to have panty lines, and I'm dying to show off my new snot rocket trick...I hope they don't mind.

So, this is where I have to remind myself why I'm doing this. Why am I running a half marathon? Remember, the first motivation for me is to get in shape. Knowing that I need to do this for a LONG time to make it a habit, I need some external motivation. How about LLS...Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Yup, helping people who need to make it through cancer, who need to know that there are people behind them....THAT is good motivation. The thing is, I can't do this all by myself. I need help from you guys to get this going. I need money.

Will you consider donating five bucks? Ten bucks? Twenty bucks?

What will motivate you?



Thank you for your help, and for suffering through my blog...it's silly I know!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Finding Motivation

"Sorry folks, the only reason you'll see me running is if I happen to be chasing an ice cream truck" - Lori Maurer

I'm pretty sure I'm plagiarizing someone else with that quote, but I googled for hours (okay about 2 minutes) and couldn't find the actual quote anywhere.....so I stole it. And the fact is I used to say exactly that to my co-workers every time they tried suckering me into running with them on "the trail" behind work. But no matter how many times they begged, pleaded, and bribed me with chocolate it just wouldn't work. At the time I just didn't have the motivation or the desire to run.....or exercise. But then over the holidays I hit my highest weight ever. Now here's where this blog gets tricky. I promised myself if I did a blog, I'd be dead honest otherwise it wasn't going to be useful to me...or anyone else. So here goes....I weighed 192 pounds on a frame of 5'3"....FINE....5'2". Geeze.

That's a lot. I was almost a "deuce". THAT could not possibly be happening. Being a deuce is motivation. In my mind, being a deuce was simply not acceptable. I'm not really sure why weighing 185 was okay, but 192 wasn't. It's really not that different, but there was something about 200 that was looming WAY too close.

So I decided to run.....in January. Brrrrr.... The first time I ran a mile, I seriously thought I was going to die. It took me over 16 minutes and I had to walk. And, unfortunately, I hadn't begun the effective habit of positive self talk. I was immersing myself in negative, self hating, destroy yourself talk. Not good. Even so, the result was I got outside and ran/walked for a mile. While I wasn't exactly hyped about doing a run/walk of only one mile in over 16 minutes, I figured I'd still post it on facebook for some moral support. Smart idea on my end. My cool facebook friends were completely supportive and helpful. VERY motivating.

Shortly after that I ran my first 5k in Charlotte, NC with my friend Patty and my husband Aaron cheering me on. My time was 43 minutes plus. I was so excited about being able to finish without stopping to walk, I signed up for another one. I ran in Salisbury and my time was OK. But I was hooked...so I signed up for ANOTHER 5k....and then another 5k!!! Well, apparently after the 3rd 5k, I wasn't as motivated. I didn't run for almost three weeks before the run, and it was HORRIBLE. I ran it in something like 47 mintes. Stupid honesty...okay it was probably more like 57 minutes. Maybe. I'm really not sure.

Once again, I was at a crossroads. I either needed to step it up a notch and do this thing, or I needed to be comfortable and positive about being nearly a deuce. By the way - I forgot to mention that between January and May of 2011 I lost more than 12 pounds just with running. Pretty awesome huh? BUT! I needed a better motivation. Something outside myself to motivate me, so I crossed my "crossroads" on Friday. I signed up for a half marathon. But not just any half marathon! I signed up with Team in Training. TNT is a group program where you are assigned a coach and run as a team to help fight Lymphoma and Leukemia. Cancer has affected my life by hitting so many of the people I love. Lymphoma specifically recently hit Alex, the brother of a good friend of mine. I've decided that I'll not only be running for our sponsor - who I'll write more about later - but specifically for Alex.

I have my big kick off meeting tomorrow night at Fuel Pizza. Again, this blog calls for honesty, so here goes. Who the HECK has a kick off party for a group of runners at a PIZZA JOINT??? That's like taking a bunch of recovering alcholics to the ABC store for an informational session on what alcohol does to your liver. Running? I'm going to be focused on the PIZZA BABY! Anyway, I'm sure they are wise beyond my years and know what they are doing. Did I mention they'll be supplying free pizza? Yup..."here Mr. Alcoholic, while you're waiting for Dr. Stupid to explain that the liver you have looks like a dried up prune and is totally useless to you, have a vodka tonic". Geeze Louise.

Anyway, I honestly believe this organization is the real deal, and I have a lot of faith in what they can teach me (no seriously) and I believe they can get me to the point where I'm ready to run a half marathon. I'm scared, I'm nervous and I'm pretty sure I'm going to literally pee myself somewhere on this journey, but I'm doing it anyway.

Dont' bother fixing my grammar or my spelling, but PLEASE help me stay motivated. Post some trash talk, encouragement or good humored swift kicks in the rear!!! I need the motivation...BELIEVE ME!